"No, a lifetime's not too long to live as friends"

So I've been away for awhile and I apologize, but we've had a lot going on this summer.  The chief of which being a major health scare involving my best friend.

After many procedures, medications, and a double lung transplant, I am so happy to say that God answered our prayers for healing. Don't think I'm down playing this entire two month journey, because it has been a very long road, but I want to tell you why I am so thankful for this wonderful woman in my life and what rock solid faith in God can give us.

I moved to a new high school and town in 1995 (I'm getting older, I know) for my sophomore year. I didn't know a soul and I stuck out like a sore thumb. I had had a rough freshman year, but with no friends and fresh out of an abusive relationship, I didn't know how I would survive. Everyday someone new picked on me because I dressed in combat boots and pig tails, mismatched patterns and dyed hair (orange/red, depending on what teacher you asked). I struggled again my sophomore year, but managed to scrape by with lots of new, mean nicknames to go by. (Kids in school can be really, really mean.)

I wrote very 'confessional' poetry all year, but found the release I needed in writing. I prayed constantly that I would find someone that I could call mine. Someone that would accept me for the odd and weird person I was, but felt my pleas weren't being hear let alone answered. I had been burned by so many people whose standards I didn't meet and had lost too many to early deaths. At some point I just gave up because I thought it would be easier to have no friends than to lose any more. I also began hoping that darker things would happen just so I didn't have to deal with anything anymore. I had hit the bottom of the barrel.

(Check out Plumb's song "Need You Now" for a great message on this matter--love her!)

And that's when I was blessed with a ball of sunshine in my life. Literally.  I met a red-headed, fiery attitude Paula on the first day of my Junior year. I had survived the summer, but was still shaky. We shared Chemistry and English classes together. She was fun, smart, and fit in so well with all kinds of people. I still remember that first conversation in which she offered to give me a ride in her convertible, yellow VW Beetle. She also gave me her phone number. That was not just a phone line, it became my life line.

Almost every Friday after that was spent at the midnight movies, driving through town, eating new foods (she's an AMAZING cook), or just acting crazy. We had graduated before we even knew people had parties in high school, we just had that much clean fun. Over time, things got better. Life wasn't so dark anymore. And because Paula knew so many people, more classmates were nicer to me and I ended up with quite a number of friends by the time we graduated.

Through the years, we've had our ups and down and drifted apart and back together. But she has always been the one person I could pour all my fears, hopes, and dreams out to.  It's been amazing to watch our lives evolve, both of us with God fearing husbands, and each with three beautiful children.

When she became sick, I was terrified of losing the one person that knows me better than I know myself. I prayed harder for her healing than I have ever prayed for anything else. I knew that God could heal her, even more, I believed He would. (She and I have a long journey to get through before we're causing trouble in the nursing home one day.) I also knew my faith had to remain rock steady.

Mark 11:21-23 shows us an exchange between Peter and Jesus regarding our faith in God's ability.

"and Peter remembered and said to him, "Rabbi, look! The fig tree that you cursed has withered." And Jesus answered them, "have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him."

That's not to say we can actually make a mountain move. But when we cry out to the Lord, He hears us. He feels our hurt, happiness, our everything. He felt that hurt in me all those years ago and provided healing for me, so when I cried out I knew He would heal her and strengthen me so I could be the friend she needed during this time. I can't thank God enough for Paula and I can't thank her enough for always being there for me and accepting me for the weirdo and I am. (I love you girl!)

But I left my trail of breadcrumbs right here two days ago...

Do you ever experience one of those times in life where you find yourself irritated with everything and everyone around you and then one last thing happens and you anger absolutely eats you alive? Everything that you've been storing up and holding in boil to the surface and explode because someone chopped down your raspberry bushes, and you find yourself yelling at a woman in the Speedway parking lot because she has her door wide open and can't figure out how to buckle a seat belt. Never? Well, maybe that's just me. (I didn't actually yell at her, just gripped in my car, but it's all the same sin.)

I tend to loose myself every so often to my anger and forget who I am and don't know how to get back to who I should be. Or sometimes, I worry over situations I can't fix (or don't need fixing in the first place) and wonder what I've done wrong, only to get mad all over again that I don't have an answer. And before I know it all of my relationships are out of whack and I've hurt people I never even intended to. Then, I find myself in such a state of loneliness and despair that I don't how I'll have find my way back. Simply put, like Hansel and Gretel, I feel lost.

Let me just tell you, that is the devil taking over and making me (our you) think that I have no one and no thing to rely on. He feeds my anger with lies and my despair with second-guessing and insecurities. David experienced the same feelings and wrote about this in Psalm 31:9-16

"Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also. For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my iniquity, and my bones waste away. Because of all my adversaries I have become a reproach, especially to my neighbors, and an object of dread to my acquaintances; those who see me in the street flee from me. I have been forgotten like one who is dead; I have become like a broken vessel. For I hear the whispering of many - terror on every side! - as they scheme together against me, as they plot to take my life. But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in your hand; rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors! Make your face shine on your servant; save me in your steadfast love!"

David couldn't do anything to relieve the heartache he experienced, and neither can I, but God can. He is ready everyday to save me and hold me in His undying love.

Psalm 25:15 shows us David again asking the Lord, "Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted."

One of my favorite singers is Plumb, and she tends to have lyrics for almost every situation in life. She had a big hit in 2010 entitled "God Shaped Hole" in which she sings the chorus,

"There's a God shaped hole in all of us,
and the restless soul is searching,
there's a God shaped hole in all of us,
It's a void only He can fill."

If I rely on only myself to get through tough times, I will never be anything but a "broken vessel" or a "restless soul." Remember in those times when the devil is surrounding you with a black forest of anger, hate, and hurt with no visible exit, filling your head with lies, that God is there waiting to guide you safely through. (No breadcrumbs needed.)

I'm totally "Worn" out

"'Cause I'm worn, my prayers are wearing thin
and I'm worn, even before the day begins
I'm worn, I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn, Heaven come and flood my eyes."

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, or months? Where you just feel so worn and tired and don't want to even think about getting out of the bed? I know I do.

 I enjoy volunteering, love my job, and come home to a great family that I cook and clean for, but I'm exhausted all the time. I'm treated with two iron pills and a B12 supplement for my energy level and a muscle relaxer for my spasms every day. I thought this medicine was enough to help me out, but when I woke up on Wednesday night to discover the family had left me sleeping on the couch instead of waking me for church, I began to think maybe I have too many irons in the fire.


Then, I was reminded today that I go to far, push to hard, and could be at risk for burning out at some point. My first thought was "What? I always go, go, go." But when I stopped and thought about it, I probably do way to much all the time.


Time to scale it back.

David sings in Psalm 127:2 "It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep."

And after hearing this song by Tenth Avenue North again on Air1, I realized I need to slow down and return my focus to the Lord because in Him I will find rest. 

Tomorrow is Saturday! This college kids are cooking breakfast at church and the rest of the day I get to spend hanging with my kiddos. I hope you all get to rest and relax and have a great weekend!

"Step Out the Way"

Without a doubt, Tobymac is one of my favorite Christian artists on the radio and sadly I missed the opportunity to see him on the Winter Jam tour this year. However, I can still jam to his music whenever I have my iPod plugged in (which is always).

His current song "Steal My Show" is a perfect example of how we all should strive to be: being a person that recognizes that God is in control. So hand over those reigns buddies because every blessing we have ever received has come from Him and it came at a hefty price. The following is the later part of the song.

"No matter who we are, no matter what we do
Every day we can choose to say ...
If You wanna steal my show, I'll sit back and watch You go
If You got somethin' to say, go on and take it away
Need You to steal my show, can't wait to watch You go
So take it away

My life
My friends
My heart
It's all Yours, God
Take it away
My dreams
My fears
My family
My career
Take it away
Take it away
It's all Yours, God
Take it away
Take it away
It's You I wanna live for"

As a human, I have hopes for my children, a dream of being published, and fears that I'll be an ultimate failure in life as a parent, wife, etc. But because Christ gave His life on the cross, I dream of who I can be in Him, have a hope of a home in Heaven, and most importantly, I live for Him who died for me.

Romans 12:1 tells us "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."

Tomorrow is Easter and many churches will be celebrating Christ's resurrection. If I (and the rest of the planet) weren't a weak person prone to sin, His sacrifice wouldn't have been necessary. John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him."

Did you catch that? He sacrificed his son. Am I really worth that much? And as a parent, could I or you do that? Thankfully, He's not asking us to sacrifice our children, but ourselves to Him. 

Paul tells us in Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave himself for me."

So, as Tobymac says "So I'll step out the way, I'll give you center stage...Take it away, it's you I wanna live for."

Background Check, testing 1...2...3...

OK, let's see if I still remember how to do this. Sorry it's been so long, but I've been trying to focus on being January's post.

As you know, I really enjoy Christian music. I listen to Air1 daily and follow most of their DJs on facebook (Brandt Hansen being my favorite; if you haven't listened to him, you need to, he's hilarious). One of the songs I've been wanting to write about for awhile is "Background" by Lecrae. 

I know, I know. You're thinking, "but he's a rapper." I suggest listening to this song if you haven't. The entire song is an amazing mix of thoughts that can apply to all of us.

In this song, Lacrae is singing about taking the background in his life so that God can lead his way, write his words, and help him bring others to Christ.

My favorite line from the first stanza is when he says: 

“I don't need my name in lights, I don't need a starring role, 

Why gain the whole wide world, If I'm just going lose my soul.” 

He goes on to sing: 

“'Cause when I follow my obsessions, I end up confessing 

That I'm not that impressive, matter of fact 

I'm who I are, a trail of stardust leading to the superstar”

Lacrae realizes that we can't make it in this life alone and that if we rely on ourselves alone, we will seek out glory for ourselves and end up leading others on similar paths of destruction. 

Lecrae also knows, like we all should, that God is in total control of our lives, of everything. His line: 

“'Cause if I do this by myself, I'm scared that I'll succeed 

And no longer trust in you, 'cause I only trust in me

And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction

Paving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothing

You pulled my card, I'm bluffing, You know what's in my hand

Me, I just roll and trust you, You cause the dice to land

I'm in control of nothing, follow you at any cost

Some call it sovereign will, all I know is you the boss”

We can’t rely on ourselves to succeed in life.  It’s like the old aphorism says, we will end up on the ’road to hell that’s been paved with good intentions.’ “The meaning of the phrase is that individuals may do bad things even though they intend the results to be good” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_road_to_hell_is_paved_with_good_intentions) . 

I also love that he call God ‘the boss’ and that he will follow him no matter what. We should all be following this line in life.

In Luke 9:23 Jesus tells us ‘And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.’ Take up your cross daily, not just when you feel like you have too. Being a follower of Christ is challenging in today’s world, but God makes it very rewarding.

The bridge of this song is the best (in my humble opinion). Lecrae sings to God that he’s safest in life when he follows God’s will for him, instead of his own intentions. We are all easily blinded by the world when we seek for ourselves.

“I know I'm safest when I'm in Your will, and trust Your Word

I know I'm dangerous when I trust myself, my vision blurred

And I ain't got no time to play life's foolish games

Got plenty aims, but do they really Glorify Your name.”

Are your actions glorifying God’s name? Are you trusting in Him alone?

Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

“And I could play the background, background

And you could take the lead.” 

Are you willing to take the background in your life and allow God to lead you safely through?

You Really Have a Wonderful Life

Every year, I watch "It's a Wonderful Life" on Christmas Eve with my family. Sometimes I cheat and watch it at other times throughout the year when I need a pick me up, but it has always been one of my favorite movies. The simple story of a man who gives his all to others while giving up his personal dreams of his future gets me every time.

While watching the movie this last Christmas, my fourteen year old made a comment along the lines of me reminding her of George Bailey when he looses his temper after finding out about the missing $8,000 dollars. She said I seem irritated like him sometimes, (not that she means anything bad by that). But that got me to thinking, what kind of impression am I making on my children if I allow my temper to break loose on those that I love? Instead, I should be teaching them to deal with something rationally and in a Biblical manner.

According to IMDB.com "George Bailey is a man who has great ambitions, but things don't seem to go quite right for. He is selfless and honorable." We see many examples of his selflessness throughout the film. One of the most powerful for me was when George gave his college money to his younger brother Harry, because he had to stay and run the Building and Loan after the sudden death of his father.

The Bible tells us in Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."

We should be striving to help others through their life journeys, not just looking out for ourselves.

He was also a very honorable man. George had such great plans for his future. All his friends had already graduated and were making names for themselves, but he knew where he was needed and more importantly WHO needed him and couldn't say no to staying in Bedford Falls.

Romans 12:17 tells us "Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all."

So here's my New Year's resolution. This year I am striving to be a more honorable and selfless person. To teach my children the "JOY" method: Jesus, Others, Yourself. And also to remind myself that most things are not worth getting mad over (especially since I didn't misplace $8,000.00). Because raising my children in a happy environment, as opposed to an anger poisoned one, will further their walk with Christ. And that walk my good peeps makes it a truly wonderful life.

I'm a total sellout... I used the 'G' word

A gentleman called the office a few weeks ago and was looking for an email address. While looking for the information he says to me, "I think I remember who you are, you work in the back right?" To which I replied, "No, I'm the little goth girl that works out front." And of course he says, "Hey! Yeah, I do know who you are."

Then, a few nights later, my fourteen year old daughter was complaining that one of her teachers dresses like a teenager. I said 'Well, I dress like a goth,' and she replies 'Yeah mom, but goth is normal, she's just dressing weird.' 

Wow... I managed to floor even myself by describing myself that way... twice. It may not be the image I see of myself, but it is the image others see of me. People do not have the ability to see anything but the outside and a lot of time I have to answer questions as to whether or not I'm a pagan. Ugh......

However, there is one individual that sees straight into the heart of my very soul, that I can never sell out for,  and that of course is God.

Matthew 15:8 quotes from Isaiah, saying, ‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me;' I can praise God to everyone around me, but if I don't keep my heart set on Him and His love, then I am set apart from Him.

David asked God in Psalm 26:1-2  "Prove me, O Lord, and try me; test my heart and my mind. For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness." We should also be asking God to test our hearts and minds continually to make sure we are following after Him. 

God desires for my heart to love Him above all and Christ tells his followers (including me) in Luke 26:27 “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”

"Love them with the love of Jesus" is what I tell myself constantly. I might see very crusty exteriors on the people I deal with, but God sees their heart and mine. He knows the thoughts I think about them whether they be good or bad. It drives me crazy when people judge me by my exterior and not the interior of my heart; so why am I doing that to other people?

The only way to change that, is to change the way you treat people and to make sure that at every point in the day you are loving with the love of Jesus. And maybe by doing this, instead of people describing me with the "G" word Goth, or describing me as "the lady with short, black hair that dresses in vampire clothes," they'll say 'That's the girl, the girl after God's own heart."

When in Rome, Make Promises!

So... back to my obsessive love of 80's music. This is another favorite song of mine, "The Promise" by When in Rome. The song was released in 1988 as a popular hit (yeah!), but never hit the top ten in the states (boo!). The first two stanzas and chorus throughout are great words to meditate by.

"If you need a friend,
don't look to a stranger,
You know in the end,
I'll always be there.

And when you're in doubt,
and when you're in danger,
Take a look all around,
and I'll be there.

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. (I promise)
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. (I promise)
But if you wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me,
I promise, I promise you I will."

So when I read through these, I can hear God saying, 'Don't listen to that person's advice! I'm always here to listen and to advise!' So many times we forget to rely on God and trust in the fact that He's always there, no matter what. Even when we get to the end of our ropes and finally cry out, 'God where are you?' and looks down and replies 'Right here.'

2 Cor. 1:9-10 tells us, "Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again."
  
We will get no where relying on ourselves to get through doubt and danger. We need's God assistance.

Matthew 14:30-32 tells us about Jesus walking on the water and Peter walking out to meet him. 
"But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.”  Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”  And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased."

Peter had already told Jesus "if it's really you, then tell me to walk across this water.' Peter was doubting already. Christ had already told the disciples in verse 27 "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid." 

God also wants us to fall for Him, head over heals. Romans 5:5 tells us "and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

And Isaiah 25:9 further shows us "It will be said on that day, "Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the Lord; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation."

Why doubt, when he is telling you He's here?! "Take a look around and He'll be there!" And why not choose to fall in love today? He has promised me that I'll fall for Him; and I like promises that are kept, don't you?

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder... or Forgetful

So, I've been gone for a little while and I'd like to apologize for that. But due to a lot of current stress, life has been a little busy. I kept thinking, 'I need to write. I need to write,' but other things got in the way of the specific work I am trying to do on this blog.

And then I got to thinking, that's how it is sometimes when it comes to our one-on-one time with God. We allow other 'more important' events to get in our way. 'We just have to go to that pro ballgame and miss church Sunday morning', or 'skipping Wednesday night just this once won't hurt, my day has just been too long.' The problem with this mentality is that we allow those 'one time' events to creep in and take over and before you know it, we're not attending church or spending time with God at all. 

 Now, I tend to get cranky when I don't get my worship time in during the week. I attend a small church on Sunday mornings and a larger church on Wednesday nights. I have been attending the smaller church for 18 years now and never intend to give it up. The people I worship with understand my weirdness and love me all the more for it. The larger church gives my children the opportunity to worship with more children their age and it gets me through the week. 

When I miss worship, or get behind in my personal devotional time, that hole begins to grow. Seeking after the things I want does nothing for me. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:33 to

"seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

His commandment to me is to seek after Him first, not last. In Mark 12:30 Jesus goes on to say,

 "'And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’"

If I'm not  involved and accountable for my worship and devotional time with God, I am not loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Without God time, our hearts become heavy, our souls lost, our minds contaminated by worldly thoughts, and our strength stolen by the devil. Even if you've been gone for a long time, God always has His arms wide open, waiting to bring you close to Him. Don't wait until your heart has become forgetful, be proactive and spend ten free minutes this evening with Him.

Tonight, I'd like to leave you with the chorus to one of my favorite songs, 

"Light the Fire" (lyrics by Sonic Flood, parts in parenthesis are echoes)

"Light the fire
(light the fire)
In my soul
(in my weary soul)
Fan the flame
(fan the flame)
Make me whole
(make my spirit whole)
Lord, You know
(Lord, You know)
Just where I've been
(where I've been)
So light the fire
in my heart again "

source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/s/sonicfloodlyrics/lightthefireinmyheartlyrics.html

Weird Wednesday: Angels in the Outfield

In recent years, I have failed to find a fictional character or creature to capture my attention as much as vampires do. They're dark, mysterious, handsome, etc. etc...until now...

Angels are the creature that are currently stealing every reading hour available as of late. I've read different takes on fallen angels, archangels, guardian angels, and the nephilim race. Authors and books include (but never limited to) Lauren Kate's Fallen series, Becca Fitzpatrick's Hush, Hush series (my personal favorite), and Syrie James' Forbidden. Still to come are: Alexandra Adornetto's Halo Trilogy and James Patterson's Maximum Ride series and of course whatever else I can get my hands on that's good.

But all these mixed up fictional angel stories got me to thinking about the real angels that God has under his power. And yes, I did say real angels. God sent them as messengers and guardians in the Old Testament to warn his followers of impending danger or good news. In the New Testament we see an angel heralding the birth of Christ.

The only heavenly being I have come across is the cherubim. The first mention of a cherubim in the Bible is in Genesis 3:23-24

"therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden, to cultivate the ground from which he was taken. So He drove the man out; and at the east of the garden of Eden He stationed the cherubim and the flaming sword which turned every direction to guard the way to the tree of life." (ESV)

God didn't want man to partake of the Tree of Life because He didn't want him to gain eternal life. So God placed the cherubim to protect the garden. Man is still in search of the garden trying to gain access to the fountain of youth that he is never going to find.

I found it interesting that cherubim are listed as having wings, but angels are not. (If anyone can correct me on this let me know.)

The first time we see an angel is when God sends a messenger to attend to Hagar and her son. God's plan for her is told in Genesis 16:6-9:

"But Abram said to Sarai, “Behold, your servant is in your power; do to her as you please.” Then Sarai dealt harshly with her, and she fled from her. The angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, the spring on the way to Shur. And he said, “Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going?” She said, “I am fleeing from my mistress Sarai.” The angel of the Lord said to her, “Return to your mistress and submit to her.” The angel of the Lord also said to her, “I will surely multiply your offspring so that they cannot be numbered for multitude.” (ESV)

The archangel Michael (my favorite name of course) is first seen in Jude 1:9 arguing with the devil.

"But Michael the archangel, when he disputed with the devil and argued about the body of Moses, did not dare pronounce against him a railing judgement, but said, "The Lord rebuke you!" (NASB)

Even Michael as an archangel didn't dare overstep he authority be judging the devil, but left that up to God. He is also shown in battle with the dragon in Revelation 12:7-9 when Satan is cast from heaven.

"Now war arose in heaven, Michael and his angels fighting against the dragon. And the dragon and his angels fought back, but he was defeated, and there was no longer any place for them in heaven. And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world- he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown with him." (ESV)

As for the Nephilim race, they are first mentioned in Genesis 6:4

"The nephilim were on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of man and they bore children to them. These were the mighty men who were of old, the men of renown." (ESV)

But the first of two angels and their world changing news can be read in Matthew 1:20-21 when the angel comes to Joseph to foretell the birth of Christ. 

"But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, 'Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.'"

The second angel is found in Matthew 25:5-6 and he tells the best news we sinner could ever hope for. 

"But the angel said to the women, 'Do not be afraid, for I now that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay.'" (ESV)

So at the end of the day, the angels have my attention hands down. They were trusted to guard the garden from man. They showed a nation it's start. Showed the devil what side he should be on at the end of the day. But most of all, they heralded the birth of Christ, my risen Lord. And loving all men with his love is what get me through the toughest days, because Hebrews 13:3 reminds me:

'Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.' (NASB)

Media Monday: Goth Girl Running

This is your quick post for the night. I've been running for a little over a year now and my love for it rivals my love of music. I love all kinds of music, so I have various playlists on my iPod. However, since I'm running in three 5k races in the next month and a half, I thought I'd create a new running playlist. Entitled "GOTH Girl Running" it is as follows:

1. Tonight TobyMac
2. Live Life Loud  Hawk Nelson
3. Stay Close    Fireflight
4. Hang On (remix)  Plumb
5. Breathe Into me    RED
6. In My Arms (remix)   Plumb
7. In Need You   Relient K
8. All Things New   Rapture Ruckus
9. Monster  Skillet
10.Cross the Line  Superchick
11. Afterlife   Switchfoot
12. I Get Wicked   Thousand Foot Krutch
13. Faceless  RED
14. Im So Sick   Flyleaf
15. For Those Who Wait   Flyleaf
16. We Are Loved  David Crowder Band
17. Again   Flyleaf
18. Better Than Drugs   Skillet
19. Dead Man   Jars of Clay
20. To Know That You're Alive  Kutless
21. Where I Belong   Building 429
22. Keep You Eyes Open   NEEDTOBREATHE
23. Busted Heart   for King and County


Yeah, I know, it's an odd number, but all these songs mean something special to me and I can't have it too long. They all also remind me that "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

For those of you who don't know, I've been having on and off health problems with my nerves for the last year and a half. I'm not supposed to be running at all, but I have found that I can shrug off the stress of the day on the pavement and go to bed relieved to not be carrying negative thoughts. If you are in need of great uplifting, loud, and get you moving music, I recommend any on this list along with the groups. The last three songs are a little slower, but I need those to get through the cool down and the messages are unsurpassed at this time.

With that, I'm off for the night and hope that you'll join me in music (Winter Jam 2013 baby!) or running! (To get any easy start check out www.coolrunning.com)

Weird Wednesday! Depeche Mode Baby

I love Depeche Mode! I have loved them ever since I first remember being introduced to their music back in the summer of 1995 while staying in Germany with my friend Anna. The first album I purchased was "Songs of Faith and Devotion" which is still one of my favorites. When my cell phone rings, part of the song "Enjoy the Silence" plays, which is ironic because I'm busy enjoying the song instead of any silence. The dulcet tones of David Gahan just make me smile.

But lately, I've been thinking about the the song "The Policy of Truth." And right now, I'm not worrying anything about what the song might actually mean or what hundreds of other people think it means. I'm focusing on one specific stanza with one question in mind (that we'll get to later):

"It's too late to change events
It's time to face the consequence
For delivering the proof
In the policy of truth"

Someone in this song has made a bad decision. Sometimes it's really hard to tell the truth if we're afraid we will disappoint another person. Some people think maybe a little white lie won't hurt a soul. But sadly, there are people on this green planet that think lying is just as natural as breathing and will lie to you every day in every way.  

So back to that question: What's your policy of truth? 

Do you believe it's okay to lie to someone if you think you're sparing their feelings down the road? Or are you keeping something hidden that you need to unburden yourself of desperately? Or maybe you're the type that just doesn't care how many times you lie, who gets in the way or who gets hurt?

Personally, I think getting the hurt out of the way and just telling the truth in the first place is hard, but the best plan. It saves time and feelings (guilt on your part and betrayal on the part of the other party involved) in the long run.  

Having to face up to the truth of sin to others is one of the hardest things for a person to do. I know this first hand. Having to tell my parents, church, but most importantly, God,  that I was pregnant and unmarried at the age of 18 was so painful. It's still hard to think about. But one thing I know for sure is that I took that to God, begged forgiveness, and was forgiven. Matthew 26:28 tells us:

"For this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."

Remember John 3:16, "For God loved the world so much, He gave His only son" Love like that doesn't grow on trees. 

Paul tells us in 1 Cor. 13:4-7 that:

"Love is patient and kind; loves does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or due. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

The end of verse six tells us the the greatest of all things "does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth." Now I'm sure you're thinking, 'Um, yeah, but no one's happy when something painful is told or thrown in their face!' But that's where you're wrong. Because verse seven tells us that love bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things. 

Now, when we bear our soul to Christ and ask forgiveness and tell him the truth, He gives it, but at the price of His blood shed on the cross of you and me. Ephesians 1:7 tells us:

"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace."

And John 14:6:

"Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

He is the way, truth and life and without Him, I won't see Heaven. So what about you? Are you ready to face up and revise your policy of truth? 

"I'm so goth, I sacked Rome!"

So I found this book the other day in the library and certainly got a good laugh out of it!

Most of the pictures are grainy and evidently "The Cure" is one of the most popular goth bands ever. And according to the fashion chapter, I'm officially a goth. The only thing I'm missing is a white, puffy poet shirt. However....

According to all the reviews, especially on www.awfullibrarybooks.net this book is a terrible non-fiction resource for the goth scene. It's more of a book to make parents feel better that their child is dressing in black. Thank goodness my parents didn't have to worry about my clothes being too short, just a little too dark. :)

But all this got me to thinking. I've had quite a few people I've met for the first time lately asking me what it's like to be a goth or "goff" in one person's case. And honestly, I don't really know, because as I said in my first post, I don't really see myself that way. I just see me as the unique person God made me to be. David tells God in Psalm 139:14

"I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." (ESV)

I thank Him every day for all the wonderful things He has made in my world. God made in His image, so even though I dress in black with skulls and skeletons everywhere, I am still His child clothed in His salvation as Isaiah tells us in chapter 61:10:

"I will greatly rejoice in the LORD; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed my with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels."

I was a little shocked that someone asked a friend of mine if I could tell him about paganism. I know, I know: 'That's what you should expect dressing the way to do,' is was a lot of people would say. However, since I try (try being the key word here) not to be the judging type, again I was shocked. My friend however, was very sweet and said "She may look the part on the outside, but her heart is far from anything like that." 

It made me smile to know that those around me know that I seek God, even though I dress a little weirdly at times. But there are also times that my feeling are hurt when I overhear someone say that I'm a weirdo or have a person tell me that I'm "twisted and a freak." God loves me just as much as He loves those people and so everyday, I try to love them with the love of Jesus. So it's been nice to have the following challenge offered at my church.

We are currently being challenged (Bethany's Challenge, see below) to do something on purpose and one of mine is to be on here more often, sharing how God is working in my life, even if it seems as though it's in a different sort of way. Book reviews are also going to be coming along with more recipes and Weird Wednesdays.  Thanks for hanging in there with me, even though I've let life get in the way a little lately. 

You can find more information on Bethany's Challenge at 
https://www.facebook.com/Bethanyschallenge

Hope you all have a great week!

Weird Wednesday: Skullies Skullies Everywhere

About two weeks ago, I was once again asked why in the world I choose to wear skulls. "Do you like them? Do they stand for something? Are you just a big weirdo?" OK, so I made that last question up, but I do get the first two all the time and not just by people who don't know me.

I love most things weird. Notice that I didn't say all, 'cause zombies are gross, nasty and really freak me out. For most people I meet, skulls remind them that no one lives forever and that death is inevitable. But for me, skulls do represent something (besides some of them being on the cute side). I always give the same passage:

Romans 6:23 tells us "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."


 So let's finally take that trip to Skull Island I keep meaning to get to.

Every one's seen 'Peter Pan' right? Or at least you know the gist of the story. Well at some point in the movie Tiger Lily is kidnapped by Captain Hook and taken to Skull Island where she is tied to a post and set as a trap for Peter. Hook knows that Peter will take the bait, come to save Tiger Lily and in doing so, Hook will kill him and also allow Tiger Lily to drown. Fortunately, Peter saves Tiger Lily and they get away leaving Hook trying to escape his own tormentor, the crocodile.

By using Peter's trigger, Tiger Lily, as a lure, Hook easily draws Peter to Skull Island to his possible death. (And while I do realize that Peter was doing the right thing, we also believe that we are at times too). We suffer from temptations that trigger us to sin when we get arrogant by listening to Satan's lies and feel like we can to what we want to do. But afterwards we feel empty and dead on the inside, knowing we have broken God's word.

Romans 5:12 says "Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned." 


While there is no escape from the death that sin causes, we are set free from sin through Christ and given eternal life. 


Romans 6:22 "But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life."


So every time I look down at my many skull bracelets, I am reminded that my sins will cause my eternal death, but that Christ died on the cross to give me eternal life. 

In Whose Image Are You Made?

So I started the journey to Skull Island yesterday when I was distracted by a news story on K-LOVE. The modeling industry is now labeling a women's size 6 as "plus size." Many women, including myself, are outraged by this because it gives our girls another reason to worry about their image.

But then I got to thinking, like I normally do, and decided that it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. As long as we are teaching our children what God craves from us, then the world's expectation according to looks and style won't matter.

 Society tells us to be perfect (something that will never be attainable on this earth) or we will be thrown by the wayside in favor of fake beauty. Proverbs 31:30 says "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

So while society is content to LIE to us, and make us believe their opinions are what matters, God is telling and has given us the TRUTH.

Genesis 1:27 tells us:
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

God doesn't tell us in the Bible to be a certain size to fit His standards, He created us in His image to be an example to others. Paul tells us in Philippians 2:14-16 
^" Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain."

We have to be lights to this world so others so they can find their way to Him. He goes further on this point in the book of Romans when he says


"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

Be a rebel with a cause like me. Don't conform to what the world wants you to be. Pray and ask God what He wants of you, because then you will know that it is good and acceptable to Him. Choose to go after God's heart and be the example, not the follower.

Weird Wednesday: Let's Get Greeky with It

In this day and age where people can have any information they want in the blink of an eye and the flick of a finger, how does patience come into play? We all get into tizzies when our coffee (or food or whatever) isn't made fast enough or the person behind the counter is a little slower than your favorite cashier. Or maybe your kids haven't finished their homework or chores in enough time to meet your schedule. Any of this sound familiar?


I won't lie (because we all know that's wrong). I have a hard time with patience sometimes. When I allow everything to press down on me and I don't deal with it in a timely manner, I tend to blow my top (which again, we know is wrong, right?). Well, check this out:


In Greek mythology, Penelope was known for her patience. She was born to a father who would rather watch her drown than have a daughter. Luckily she was found and saved by a family of ducks. Of course, her dad saw this, just like most Greeks would have, as an omen. She grew up from then on loved and eventually married Odysseus. He went off to fight in the Trojan War and didn't return for twenty years. 


Penelope waited all that time to for her husband to return. She even wove the same shroud for over three years. Once I have to pull out a row in my crochet work more than twice, I give up. What does this story have to do with you?


God tells us in Colossians 3:12-13 to 
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." 


He further says in Galations 5:22-23:
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."


See! There is no law against being nice! or patient! or kind! or, well you get the picture.


So even though it's hard to be patient with the other people surrounding you at times, don't forget, that we are beloved to God. And the next time you're at the coffee counter, take a nice long breathe, put a smile on your face, and wait patiently until your coffee is done. Oh, and don't forget your kindness by saying "Thanks a lot!" 

Dentophobia

And what is dentophobia you might ask? It is the irrational fear that I suffer from on a near monthly basis. Ever since I was a small child, I have had severe dental problems. When a new tooth would grow in, I'd already have a cavity in it in need of repair. I grew up dreaming that I could be one of the kids listed on the wall that had a clean check-up. However, this was not to be.


I've had dental work done in the past, only to have it stripped out and replaced by a new dentist and then reliving that same nightmare a second time when I finally met Dr. C. You want to talk about a dentist who knows his stuff? Well, it's him. He completely understands my fears and knows when it's a good day and when it's a bad day. How many of your dentists can do that? Once, when I was taking four anti-biotic pills a day for a spider bite, I happened to get really sick and had a hard time eating anything. Needless to say, I lost a little bit of weight. I happened to see him a week after treatment ended and he had the compassion to ask if there was anything going on in my life that we needed to talk about. It meant a lot to me that he had noticed something might be going on. Not to mention he got me flossing everyday to protect my heart and told me that soda has an ingredient that eats the calcium in your bones, so I ended up giving up soda one and a half years ago.


Okay, so all of this is great, and I really don't mean to brag, but you're wondering at this point, where is she going with this?


Well, today I had to go and have a filling in one of my canines and even though I though I thought I was prepared, I wasn't. I sat down only to be informed that I was not seeing my dentist, but a Dr. Lady Something was filling in for him. WHAT?!? And then to top it off, when I turned on my iPod, I was shocked to learn that there was no charge, so no music to drown out the drills. AHHHHHHH! Dr. C came in to check on me and offered me his iPod to use because he knows I need music to survive my ordeal, only I decided to brave it with God's help. And I made it just fine! And let me tell you why. ..


The whole time I was sitting there, all I could think was " I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13


I prayed the whole time I was in that chair, then I got home and got to thinking, Dr. C. is someone who looks out for my well being, not just my teeth. The Bible also says something about this. "I will set shepherds over them who will care for them, and they shall fear no more, nor be dismayed, neither shall any be missing, declares the Lord." Jeremiah 23:4. 


This passage is talking about God coming back to gather His remnant, but He also places shepherds over us to guide us when we aren't sure which path to take. 


God being our number one shepherd tells us in Proverbs 3:6, "In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."


So while I'm not comparing Dr. C. to God or trying to put them on the same level, I now know after 19 years of damaging my ear drums to kill the sound of dental drills, I have proven to myself that I can make it on my own because God is a my side, and I have an earthly guardian to get me through my appointment. Thanks Dr. C.!!!

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Don't Let el Chupacabra Suck You Away

You’ve heard of el chupacabra haven’t you? The funky little creature from Puerto Rico that sucks blood from it’s animal victim. It’s name is literally translated ‘goat sucker.” The following is a description of the creature’s attack according to www.elchupacabra.com.

“Although it was named because of its choice of goat-blood as a meal, the Chupacabra has reportedly attacked and devoured the blood of a wide variety of animals including dogs and sheep. As far as we know, there have yet to be any human fatalities.

Due to the distinct technique the strange animal has of killing its prey, it is very easy to tell if the Chupacabra was involved in an animals death. Animals are found with puncture wounds in their neck and most of their blood removed. Often, the victim's organs have disappeared even though the only wound is a small hole in the animal's neck. Reports of laser-like cuts on the victim's ears are also common.” 

Umm, eww! This thing sneaks in, stealing animals and killing them for blood. And when you think about it, sin is the same way. It sets out to suck the very life from us through temptation. James 1:13-15 (ESV) tells us:

 “Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one.  But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.  Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.”

We are lured by the devil by our own personal desires. What tempts me, might not tempt you and vise versa. But be assured that once we act on that desire, sin is born. and when we sin, we will die. So how to we fight these creatures?

With Christ! John 10:10 (ESV) says:

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

Sin’s only desire is to steal our hearts away and kill and destroy those parts that hold us steadfast to God. 

Christ came to give us life, not to watch us be sucked away from Him by our personal various chupacabras (or temptations). We need to rely on Him  so that we can live a full life devoted to Him. And when we are devoted, He will guard our hearts from attacks that will try to steal, kill, or destroy us.

So just like farmers, build up your fences (spiritual defenses), fix the holes in your chicken coop (your heart), and get a great watch dog (Christ, the risen Lord) to guard over you. 

I wanna be the girl on fire!

I love "The Hunger Games" series as you all know, mostly because Katniss is such a strong character.  She is consumed with taking care of her family, that she will do anything to return to them. She has to work with what she can come across in the forest, not what is so readily available in the Capitol. So, I got to thinking over the last few weeks what being a "girl on fire" would be like, and it turns out a little like this. 

Have you ever been so jealous of some one that the thought of what they have consumes you? Well, God's just like that. He wants our full attention at all times. Yes we have families, jobs, book clubs, etc., but we should keep our focus on Him and not let the little things get in the way of Him and what He wants for us. 

Deuteronomy 4:24 (ESV) says,

 "For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God."

and Hebrews 12:29 (ESV) further states, 

 "for our God is a consuming fire."

He is so jealous, for us, that He can consume us whole. If I want to be a girl on fire, I need to let God consume everything within me that is unworthy to Him. I also need to be purified with that same fire so that I am living for Him in everything I do. 

Fire also helps certain seeds germinate and give new life to forests after forest fires. It gives the land a clean start. 

Deuteronomy 32:22
“For a fire is kindled by my anger, and it burns to the depths of Sheol, devours the earth and its increase, and sets on fire the foundations of the mountains.”

This passage tells us that fire is born of God’s anger. If it has the power to devour the earth, everything in it and the foundations of the mountains, image the cleansing power it can have on your soul. 

Letting God have control and allowing Him to burn everything bad away certainly gives the term “girl on fire” a new meaning doesn’t it?